02.15.07

A Time of Reckoning

Posted in General at 11:20 am by Steve

The hardest part of life is reconciling the difference between what you expected for yourself and what is the reality of your life.

Tomorrow is my birthday and it seems that I always come into my birthdays examining myself - putting my life under a microscope, and making a mental tally of everything that I am and all those events that shaped me. I used to make a joke about my “birthday songs” when I was gigging regularly. Those songs I wrote around the time of a birthday. They always tend to be reflective, introspective, and, at times, even self-condemning. The odd thing is that I never set out to write those “birthday songs”, they just seem to happen of their own volition. So now as I sit & think about these songs I reflect on the following:

from Gilgamesh & Ishtar

Now the temperature is rising
And I think it’s time you knew
The past is far behind us
And that’s why I get so blue
So, just a few more miles
And we’ll slip into the sun
A thousand trials, a hundred smiles
This time we’ve just begun

from Wasted Time

Now I can’t believe I wondered
What had ever gone awry
You just never heard the music
And all I ever heard were lies
And so what we’re left to deal with
For the rest of both our lives
Just a pocket full of memories
And years of wasted time

from A Prayer For Me

I’m not half of what I used to be
We’re all molded by the years
We learn to mourn our yesterdays
While tomorrow breeds new fears

from Never Grow Old

It’s 3 am and I’ve got to go
I’m the last one left,
You know I like it that way best
And after all that’s been said, done and told
It really felt like I’d never grow old

Give Up Tomorrow

Just sitting here thinking how things change
You know I haven’t a clue
But somehow today I feel more like you
And if I could I’m not sure I would
‘Cause time is something I have not to borrow
And that is why I won’t give up tomorrow

And standing here feeling how numb you are
I know you never chose
To cry all night at those missing shadows
And though I see how it used to be
Tears are something I have not to borrow
And that is why I won’t give up tomorrow

from I Sail Away

And even now I understand I’m running from myself
As I used to be
I keep searching for the sign that will let me know
I’m finally me
‘Cause way back then I thought I knew
What would be me, what should be you
And in the end there’s nothing left to say

And so it is again…another year, another time of reckoning. How will I measure up this time around?

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02.08.07

Full Circle

Posted in General at 11:33 am by Steve

Just the other day I went down to the local music store to visit (the owners are friends of mine) and I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. Did you ever have an experience where, even though a lot of time has passed, you pick up as if you just saw each other yesterday? That’s exactly what happened. The funny thing is that my life feels like it is coming full circle. Having been a full-time musician then joining the advertising world, and now finding myself in a position where I need to decide what to do next. Then I ran into Frank. And as we talked I realized that I was always happiest “on my own”.

So - I guess the lesson here is that sometimes life gives you exactly what you need, even if you’re not sure you want it right at that particular moment. Ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt!

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